Keeping it Real- An Adoption Post

I feel that we are mostly pretty private about our adoption searches. We don’t share a lot about what is going on, or situations we are presented with. (Except with our parents and siblings) It is enough of a roller coaster ride for us, it is hard to think about dragging everyone else along with us through the really high high’s and then crash down to the really low low’s. Even dragging our families along sometimes is hard for us because we don't want them to be disappointed too.  I’ve been challenged lately in my spiritual walk to keep things real, and not pretend that I’ve got it all together when I really don’t. There are days that are going to be hard…   

John 16:33"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

But God is still there.  He promises peace. He KNEW we would have trials and trouble. He doesn't say you may, or you could have- he says YOU WILL. So hard days are normal.

To bring you up to speed on where we are in the process- in a condensed version goes something like this...  We have been actively searching with our agency for almost 16 months. We have been shown to at least six (we kind of loose track- might be more- not quite sure) different birth mothers over the course of this year. (One just this month)  The way it works usually is we get an email with a situation from a birth mom through our social worker.  It states basic details about the birth mom and her pregnancy and unborn child.  It usually states social and medical histories and deadline of when to have a letter returned to the social worker if we are interested in pursuing the situation. The social worker then meets with the birth mom- and presents her with our picture profile and our personalized letter to her.

 Of the six(ish) situations we have had, we have proceeded with five of them. Once we submit our personalized birth mother letter, we wait, and wait and wait some more to hear any little bit of news. This is the hard part. We know details about the baby and the mom. We know that potentially, this could be OUR baby. So it is a fine line to walk. You have to get excited and start planning and picturing it all out and dream a little of the exciting what if’s, and at the same time- guard your heart so incase this isn’t the one, you can walk away and not be totally devastated.  (There is still a grieving period with each one because you do become attached-see first part of the fine line mentioned above. J)    Usually while we wait there is a period of frantic/excited nesting on my part… clean, clean, organize, clean. And a lot of prayer. Prayer that we are making the right call by going for the situation, prayer for the birth mom as she makes her decision, prayer for the baby, prayer for our family, prayer for protection if we need to be protected from something unseen in the big picture of the situation, etc.  I KNOW without a doubt that each situation that we have been told a “no” for, there is a reason. God is protecting us from someone or something, or it just isn’t our time. 

I also KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that God’s timing is perfect. All you have to do is look at our sweet Allisynn to KNOW that that is true. HE orchestrated all of the details of her perfectly….every.last.detail.  She is a beautiful match to our family, and is just as much our daughter as if we had given birth to her.   We are confident that HE will do the same thing again as we have been searching and praying daily for our next baby (or two- Allie keeps saying two babies J).  

The keeping it real part? The daily waiting is hard. The rejection each time we are told “she chose a different couple this time” is hard. The rollercoaster is hard.  The fact that every aspect of us trying to bring children into our lives is difficult is hard.   Sometimes I wonder why. Why couldn’t I get pregnant, why didn’t our IVF process work, why do we have to wait so long, why do we have to be told NO so many times, why….. But then I look at our sweet Allie and KNOW that if we would have had it our way, SHE wouldn’t be our daughter. HOW SAD would that be! She is worth it. She was worth the wait, and the tears and the hard times of everyone around us having their babies so easily, she was worth the failed in-vitro. SHE WAS and IS SO WORTH it! 

We KNOW that this next baby is going to be as well.  There is, somewhere out there, another little sweet child who needs our love, and our family, and the happiness that Allie has. So please pray with us as we wait. Pray for "our" birth mom- where ever she is. Pray for her strength. Pray for her decisions. Pray for her heart.  Pray for our precious baby (or babies- only God knows).  And please pray for our family both- our immediate family of three, and our extended family, as we wait. The waiting is hard for us, but it is hard for our families too. It will be worth it, but it is still hard at times.  We trust, and we believe, and we hope. We are thankful for a God who gives us hope and promises and the strength to keep going! Let's pray this baby home! :) Thanks! J